Prayer Warriors:Battle With The Witches COMMENTARY
by I Heart Thomas Brown
Summary: BelieverInChrist's greatest insult to both the world of Harry Potter and the Bible, not to mention millions of people whose names are Michael, with my commentary. Rated T because that's how he rated it.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, how are you feeling today? I might as well ask you now, especially if you're English, Irish, Wiccan, Satanic, a Democrat, or even Christian or Catholic yourself, because you're going to need some politeness to get you through the following fanfiction. I swear, I must be a masochist. The last fic was bad enough, and now I'm taking up another one. Right before my birthday, too. I did not write this myself, all credit goes to Thomas Finnegan William Brown.**

Hi, I am Michael, **Nice to meet you, Michael. Now drop dead. **and I am a prayer warrior. I was sent by my teacher Jerry, the main character in the other story, **Breaking the fourth wall again, Tommy-boy? How very naughty of you. **which follows a group of Christians who fights against the evil Gods of the Greek. I was sent here to England to bring them back to the one true path, and that is true our lord Jesus Christ. My target was Hogwarts, and Stanic school that still allows Witches and Wizards to exists, truly evil servents of a lorf.

**One paragraph in and I'm already harbouring homicidal thoughts. Nobody. Insults. Hogwarts. In. Front. Of. Me.**

Before I went, Jerry said to me, "My follower, dear friend Michael of Christ, **If he's so dear, why is he only appearing now?** I have given you this job so that you can prove to the world how great Christ is, and he is the only true path. I want you to go undercover into Hogwarts and pretend to be a wizard. **You seem to have forgotten to take the Sorting Hat into account. This would never work. **You are not to preform any form of magick **He'd be kicked out in a day. I wish Tommy-boy would realise that… it would make everything so much easier for us. **as it is sin before our lord and savior Jesus Christ, eternal son of the only God. Instead, I want you to find out if there is corruption between the English government and Dumbledore, Hogwarts's twisted and sick head teacher, **Sharpen your pitchforks, fellow muggles. **who allows Witches and Wizards to worship Satan and preform dark rituals such as dancing naked in front in the rain sos that it made Christians die. **How does that work, again? **We must work out how to stop this from happening, for it is sin to murder someone like this!

"For this to be successful, I need you to go to there train station in London, **It's called King's Cross Station, Tommy-boy. **and walk through a wall. Be carefully, for this is a creation of Satan. However, God will forgive you for using these stuff, **God is a bit busy facepalming now, I imagine **for it is for the betterment of the Christian empire. When you enter, pretend to be like them, but do not do any spells, for it is sin against God, **I believe we've established that. **but he allows you to pretend to be a wizard, for it is for the betterment of us all. But beware, if you are to be forced to read a book, or a potion, or a spell, think to yourself a prayer: 'I am sorry God, for I have sin. I had not control over such doings, but it was for the betterment of all Christians, for it will destroy my cover if I refused to do so. Pleased Forgive me for all my sinful acts. Amen'. And so say that, and God will be forgive you. But you must read the Bible every day, for it is a sin to forget Gods words. Do not full into temptation or you will burn in the eternal flames of hell!"

**You have to pray for forgiveness every time you read a book? No wonder you're so stupid.**

And so I went onto the plane, but as I was on it, I did prayed, for I need to bull**shit** strength, for I was to be tested. I also read the Bible, with the Book of Matthew, for Jerry ordered me dodo so. **I'm just thinking about Zazu from the Lion King right now… **And then I got off the plane. I went to the train station, **From the plane to the train? I'm actually feeling pity for you. **and I walked through the Static wall. **Static? Did it make your hair stand up? **Then I was a Satan Train, **You… turned into a train? **which was made of **METAL **bones of death Christian martyrs, who died in an epic battle against Godwarts **Pigfarts! **many years ago, when it was banned to be a Witch and the Holy Catholic Church control of the England. Then England rejected God, and started to worship a false god, Henry the eight, the Satanic fool!

**Erroneous. Nobody worshipped King Henry VIII. In fact, not many people really liked him.**

And so I went onto the Train, **I thought you **_**were**_** the train? **and I came across Ginny, one of the witches.

**Dum dum da-dum, cliffhanger!**


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! I`m Noah, Tomas`s brother. Please stop giving him death threats that just makes you look bad. Please stop it!

**An entire AN without any mention of God or a threat? Noah should write more often. And he's ACTUALLY defending his brother after everything he said about him? What a sweet kid. I think I'll adopt him.**

I stopped and stared at Ginny. My hands started to shake, and I had to sit down. I looked at her ginger hear. She looked pretty hot, **Wow, Noah. I was not expecting that.** but I decided to put such impure thought out of my mind. **It's impure to find someone physically attractive? What a sad lifestyle Tommy-boy must make you lead. **She started to pat my back, and I stood really still. How dare someone touch someone out of wedlock! **She patted you on the back. Relax. I do that to people all the time.**

"Never seen you here before," she asked. "Want to take a poison I have just made. It will make you feel better." **A poison will make him feel better? Clearly Ginny was not listening in Potions class.**

This made me sicker. How dare she give me such as satanic drink? I remembered Jerry`s warning. She was only offering me something, so I was able to refuse. So I said no. **Politely, I hope. If you hurt the feelings of any character in the Harry Potter series, I'm disabling your WiFi. **

"Ok," she said. "It is your choose. I would have taken it though. This is going to be a long train trip. And we need to get change into our uniform." **Not for another few hours, Ginny. No need to be so eager to take your clothes off.**

I decided to take this as a chance to get some insight into what is happening in Hogwarts. I thought to myself what question I was going to ask her. After pondering it for a bit, I quickly said my question.

"So, what is Dumbledore like," I asked her. I wanted to know a little bit about him if I was going to find out what type of relationship he has with the British government. **His relationship with the British government is that the Prime Minister knows the Minister of Magic who used to look to Dumbledore for advice. Case closed.**

"He is a very great man. He lets us get away with a lot of stuff, such as staying up late at night, and even allows us to take harmful drugs such as pot. **Aaaaaaaand we're back in my Immortal. **And he has a very long beard, which makes him look even more wicked and evil," **Facial hair is not an indication of a sinister nature. Santa Clause has a beard. My grandfather had a beard. I'm pretty sure even Jesus himself had a beard. **she told me. Her information was very informative. **I can just imagine Michael leaning back in his chair, stroking his beardless chin as he absorbs the informative information.**

"Yes, being wicked is great," I lied. I know that lying is a sin, but because I need to build trust between me and Ginny, I was forced to do so. "And I like to be evil." **Evil plans… we are making evil plans…**

"I am glad you are in support of us witches and wizards. We need as much support as possible," she said. I become very interested.

"What type of support?" I asked.

"**Child support"**

"We are not allowed to talk about that in public," she said. So I stopped at that. By that point we had go to Hogwarts. **Already? How slow do you talk?**

Sorry about the shortness but I realise I have school work to do (I am home schooled by the way). But Tomas will be back for the next chapter.

**No, nonono! Stay! We like you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh, bugger, Tommy-boy's back.**

I like to thank my brother **I like thanking my brother too. Or at least I would, if I had a brother. **for righting the last chapter, his chapter was very well written, **I wouldn't say that, but I still wish he'd stay **and very muk in the Christian way. I will continue for now. '**For now'? Don't raise my hopes if you're just going to tear them down. **My borther is writing a story as well and will go onto this Healy sight when it allows him to do so.

And so I walked down the path from the twain station **The twain station? I assume you wode a twain… is that twue? **that lead to the school which was build with **STONE **bricks from knocked down churches, done in the time to Henry the eighty **Eighty? What year was this? **when he destroyed all the churches and replace it with his own stanic churches! **Yes, Protestant churches. The base of modern Christianity. **And so I went into the school and noticed bones of martin **Luther King Jr? **fly about. **Probably Peeves' doing. **This mad me sick. Ginny lead me to the main hall, which had drugs all on the tample, **No food? **and people were smoking pot. Dumbledore was whipping a boy **Wonderful first impression **for praying to God, for Hogwards was a an revile school! This mad me even more scared for I new I couldn't do any praying to our lord Jesus Christ, but because I was forced to do this, it was ok.

"Hello students," said Dumbledraw. "I am gloat you came to this school for it is protected from the christian world, were corrupt evil governments allow us to stay alive. I like to hail stan **Romanek, the extraterrestrial contactee?** for he was really great. Repeat after me:

_Satin is great  
>God is not<br>We will be evil  
>And they will waste<em>

**That didn't rhyme.**

"Wasn't that a great song? We will have to sing that everyday," he said. **Sure. In most schools, you sing the national anthem in the morning. In "Godwarts", you sing unrhyming praises of warp-dominated weave. **This made me sick,** I thought you were already sick?** but because they were forcing us to this, I had to do it. **You could just lip-synch **I simply prayed to God after singing that "I am sorry God, for I have sin. I had not control over such doings, but it was for the betterment of all Christians, for it will destroy my cover if I refused to do so. Pleased Forgive me for all my sinful acts. Amen" but I said it really softy so that no one could hear me, for I knew I was the only Christian **What about the boy that just got whipped by "Dumbledraw"? **in this stannic **Rex and **weevil school!

And as I went to my room, a girl cam up to me. "Hello follow Christian, my name is Ebony **Tommy-boy, if I wanted to read about Mary-Sues named Ebony I would be commentating My Immortal. **and I am to work with you on the mission to rid this evil school. Jerry has told you to read the Book of Ruth for it will boiled you strength."

**What does the Book of Ruth have to do with anything? It's more of a story about love and compassion than belief in God… unless you're referring to the fact that Ruth abandoned her religion to stay with Naomi… but that has barely any relevance to the main message (or massage) of the story**

And is aid "THankyou for that winsome. That will keep ne wrong! I will see you tomorrow" **I beg your pardon?**

I went back to my rome **Why Rome? That's so far from Hogwarts… **and I read the Bible, for it need to build my strength up. I made sure that no knew I was reading the bible. And then I went to sleep, for I knew I ad a early morning tomorrow.

Stop telling me to delete my story. **Please delete your story. **I wont at all! **It's my birthday tomorrow. Please delete it?** This is a great stoary and it wont be deleted at all! And idiocy, please stop reviewing my story, as your reviews make no sense. **I believe "idiocy" was returning the favour. **Amen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to happygirl122 and Alyx1373 for the birthday wishes. It was certainly very enjoyable, even if I did spend most of the day after passed out on the couch.**

**The song of the chapter is "Tonight, Tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae. It seems fitting… I'm not sure why.**

Just stop reviewing this fanfiction if you don't like it. We are only just warning you of the dangers of sinning. God will punish you unless you become a Christian. How simple is that? Why must you persecute us Christians? All you atheists suck! And Ebony is a Christian, not a Satanist ok! She has been named after a friend of mine. **I thought Ebony was your cousin? **And Thomas is not a troll, and neither am I!

**Brilliant. Noah is back. I'm certainly starting to like him a lot less now, though…**

I woke up with a shock, an electric shock. **I'm convinced someone attacked my hair with a crimping iron while I was sleeping. **New comers at Hogwarts have pranks done on them, **Just like every other boarding school, including Christian and Catholic ones **to make them angry and then tempt them into being evil, and pranking other people. **It's just some mischievous merriment. How does that turn anyone to the dark side? **It really hurt me, and made me really sore. **Still better than having your head shoved down a toilet. **I prayed to God that they he would punish them at the final judgement. I had to endure this torture and know that my task will save the world from an evil willing enough to kill us all.** *insert dramatic hamster music here***

At potions class, the teacher **Hi, Snap, how's Lumpkin doing? **taught us about making bombs. **What happened to bottling fame and brewing glory?** I learnt that the Hogwarts was planning to attack something, but I was not too sure what, I was sure it was a church but I wasn't too sure. **You were sure but not sure? How does that work? **I needed to know more information on it before I acted against them. At the moment I blended in, by pretending to make a bomb, but really I was doing the potion all wrong. No one noticed me at all, and did not question if I was a Christian or not.

**Poor potion brewing skills = Christianity. Of course.**

At spell class, **how specific **we learn about a spell that made people faint. **It's "Stupefy", Noey-boy. **All though this might seem harmless; **knocking someone out is harmless? **the teacher told us we can use this on unsuspecting Christians to fall off bridges and other dangerous places. **What is the hypothetical Christian doing standing on the edge of a bridge in the first place? **They also taught us spells which made people have heart attacks. **That's rather advanced… I didn't know they taught that at OWL level. **Everyone was saying Hail Satan, but I refused to say so, because it would look bad in front of God at the last judgement, and no one was forcing me to say anything. I mumbled the words, so that the spell didn't work. **Actually, the spell didn't work because you're a MUGGLE.** No one noticed I did so.

And at the break time, I went to the library to find out information on any attacks that are planned on the Christian world, **because that's obviously something you leave lying around in the library **but there wasn't any information. I knew I had to find a way into Dumbledore`s office, **Try the staircase behind the gargoyle statue. Name off random candies and the gargoyle will move. How cool is that? **which would have very top secret information which even the students of Hogwarts would even know.** Shame, Dumbledore, I thought you had more self control than that.**

So I look for Ebony. When I found her, I told her of my plan. "I want to get into Dumbledore's office for there is secret information I want to get. I don't know how to get in there though. I think I need your help Ebony, the secret follower of the son," I whispered to her. Secret follower of the son was a secret code name for Jesus Christ, so that none of the students could find out about our plan to get rid of Hogwarts.

**Mentioning Jesus in the first place wasn't really necessary.**

"Met me on the school fields tonight, and then we will plan. There are a few people that want to meet you, and they want to help you out," Ebony told me, making sure that no one else hears. "Come alone, and bring no one else. **Don't worry, Ebony, Michael doesn't have any friends. **We don't want to be caught out."

"Yes, ok, I will do that," I said.

So at night I went to field. I met up with Ebony, and I followed her, while we talked about Christ and how wonderful he is. **All strictly incognito. **She nodded in agreement. And then we came to a small hut, and then we entered. Inside was a **HALF-**giant.

"This is Hagrid, a secret follower of Christ. **He can't speak for himself? **He once practised magic, but now he has stopped. **There's only so much you can do with third-year spells and a pink umbrella… **But he wants to help us out, because he wants Hogwarts to be knocked down, **Does the phrase "Hogwarts is my home" ring any bells? **and replace with a cathedral," **Maybe you can call it Notre Dame and a hunchback with red hair will start ringing bells about ten times his height and singing "Out There". **Ebony told me. I was very glad about that. Once Hogwarts was defeated, how could such evil stones still exist? A cathedral was a good idea, and could not wait to see what it would look like.** You're gonna need a big bulldozer and an exceptionally good architect.**

"So", I asked, "How do we plan to get into Dumbledore?"** This reminds me of another fanfic I read that was almost as bad as this… I believe it was "Harry Potter and the Vagina of Wonders".**

"This is the only way you can do it. You must date one of the witches, earn their trust, and they might help you get into Dumbledore`s office," she told me. I realised that I must get closer to Ginny, which I didn't want to, **There are a few other girls in Hogwarts. May I recommend trying your luck with a Hufflepuff? They're very nice, very trusting, and especially good at FINDING things. **but because I was forced to do so God would forgive me.

"I know what I have to do then," I told her. Ebony nodded pleasingly, **perv **and Hagrid was happy that Hogwarts was one day closer to being destroyed.

Everyone, please read me **Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho… **new Fanfiction, which is on my own account, Noahmania.


	5. Chapter 5

AS I have finished my other story, **I finished it too. It made me want to crawl up a tree and never come down. **I will continue writing this. **Can anyone recommend a good tree to live in? **I like to thank Ebony Brown **I wouldn't, if I were you. **who one of the characters in my story is named after for proofreading my lovely inspiring story. And Noah, you story is full of lies. **Noah wrote the last chapter and defended you, Tommy-boy. One could say you are calling chapters 2 and 4 lies. **Running away from God **When did he do that, again? **will only lead to bad things. Satan has lied to you. Repent now or pay the price! And if you do not like this story, stop reviewing it!

**What do you think would be better to live in- an evergreen tree or a deciduous? A deciduous would have more space in the branches, but the leaves would fall off in the autumn, and that would be like living in a house with no walls… maybe if I brought a hatchet with me up the evergreen, I could open a space in the branches… and some evergreen trees smell really nice, so I suppose that would be a plus. Review and tell me what you think.**

I walked about of Hagrid`s hut and went back to Hogwarts. **Gotta get back to Hogwarts…** As I was walking down the field one of wizards came up to me. He had blonde hair and bright **GREY **green eyes. He was wearing green.** Oh, dear, St. Patrick's day already?**

"I want to talk to you about something," he asked. "I heard that you are a Christian. **Michael's secret has been let out? That means he's going to die soon… wonderful! **My name is Draco **cue fangirls **and I am interested in becoming Christian. I want to give up being a Satanist and follow the way of our lord and savior Jesus Christ, so that I don't burn in the eternal flames of hell. I will join you army and be a shoulder to the lord." **If he doesn't mean the Dark Lord, I am going to find Tommy-boy and blow up his car. Wait, he's so old-fashioned he might not have a car… blow up his horse then? My cousin would never forgive me.**

"Then follow me than," I told Draco. So I went to the lake and Draco followed me. And so I baptized Draco **in the open, where anyone could see you? **in the name of our lord Jesus Christ. He promised not to practise any evil witchcraft ever again. I was happy because this was one victory to Jesus and God.** His father will hear about this.**

And I asked him, "Could you get me a date with Ginny, **Coward. Ask her out yourself. **for I need to use her to get into Dumbledore's office, **It never occurred to him that it might be a trick? **for there are plans in there that could be an attack on us Christians. I really need your help."

Draco said, "Yes I can. I use to date her a year ago, **Drinny fans will be happy **and she will be willing to talk to you. **People really do not like Ginny, do they? **But be careful, her and her friend Harry Potter and Ron **Hermione feels shunned. **are the most satanic people in the school. Be careful around them for they are very dangerous." **Indeed, for 14 and 15 year olds are all trained assassins.**

I said, "I will be careful around them. But I do need their help. I will need to come up with a good reason to get into Dumbledore`s office."

Draco said, "I will think about it and tell you when I come up with an idea an tell you it, **I've told you once, now I've told you twice… **for it would be serving the glory of our lord Jesus Christ, and it will save me and God will forgive me, and I will go up to heaven for all eternality."** Don't skin the bear before you've caught it, Drakey-Stu…**

I said, "Feel free to go to the service on Sunday at Hagrid`s house. **Sunday service at Hagrid's cabin? Count me in. **But be secret about it for the static **motionless? **scum here would kill us all if they found out about it." **I think they already found out.**

And then I went to my room and read the Bible, in which I read the first 4 chapters of the Gospel of Mark, and then I read the book of Ruth **Get some sleep, Michael, you have a long day tomorrow… one might say an eternal day. **and how dedicated she was to her husband**'s mother**. And then I preyed to God for forgive for I had sinned that day. And God forgave me sin and told me that Jerry and Percy had killed all the evil false gods in America, but Satan had come to England. But he also told me that he was sending Jerry over to help me out. And so I went to bed. Amen.

"**If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."~ Thomas Szasz**


	6. Chapter 6

**Due to a mental breakdown, I will not be writing commentary for this chapter. Instead, all the following commentary has been written by my younger cousin. Think of it as a tribute to Noah.**

I am not going stop this story as I not breaking no rule. _**Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the latest edition of Thomas Brown's "Grammar for Experts!" **_If you atheistic scum don't like this, get out of this Christian nation! _**But I thought I was welcome here? **_I am pretexted under freedom of speech! _**Honey, I'm pretexted too. And exploiting my freedom, I'm using the timeless words of Smeagol (or was it Gollum? I forgot)- "LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK!"**_ And I am not a troll, I am a rationale Christian person _**Nice to meet you! I'm hungry. **_who has realized how evil atheism is and how it should be illegal in America, and we should tackle on Witchcraft, especially in England where its very much practise. I like to thank Ebony Brown for proofreading this, _**I like thanking people… it makes me happy inside! **_and she is a real person Idiosy, don't you dare insult me ever again with you comments, they are not welcome here! _**I may be new here, but I'm pretty sure they are. **_And Noah, you are a fool trying to ask God for forgiveness, for as long as you consult with Atheist you will burn in hell! _**Guilty by association. I see what you did there! **_And don't you dare tell me how to treat people! _**Tell him, Noah! He needs the advice. **_Only God can tell me that, and he has told me to rid the world of all nonbelievers! And if you get in the way, I will destroy you as well. _**Nothing quite like brotherly love! **_Jesus Christ is my Savior, Lord and guidance across this forsaken land, I have been sent forth to cleanse the world of all ins and make it return to the paradise it was when it was first created. _**Well, in a biblical sense, when it was first created, snakes could talk, so I'm not sure I wanna go back there. *shudder* snakes… **_And everyone can be a Christian and be saved! And we will all live in peace! Amen ad amen!

I went to my potions class and I pretended to make the potion, but rely I was trying to chat Ginny up. _**Ooh, Michael! **_She was talking to a friend of her about how great Stan _**Who's Stan? Am I missing something? **_was and how it let them get away with anything, including murder, lying, and stealing things that weren't there's. _**I think he doesn't care. Now, just keep them away from my stuff. **_This made me feel sick inside _**What happened? Are you pregnant? **_but knew that I had to ask her out no matter how wicked she was so that I could use to her to get into Dumbledore's office _**You could ask a house elf. I'm sure they'd be happy to help out! They're such darlings… **_and get his plans and use it against him so that I can defeat the evil witches and wizards. The teacher did not noticed that I had not made any potions and that was because the teacher was deaf dumb and blind, caused by worshiping Satan too much. _**Nooo! What have you done to my beloved Snaperdoodle?**_

I went up to Ginny and said, "Do you want to go out? I want to learn the ways of Satan and much of your ways as possible," _**I've never gotten asked out like that… then again, I've never really been asked out. :( **_I lied, but because this was to aid God, he would forgive me. "I come from a place where Satanism is not allowed, and it can be punished by death," this time I told her the truth, but didn't say that I was secretly a Christian, for if she found out she would surely kill me. _**Got a secret, can ya keep it, swear this one you'll save…**_

_**I don't know if I'm allowed to do this, but may I recommend listening to "Secret" by The Pierces while reading this? It's seems to match-ish.**_

And she said, "Yes, I will go out with you. I like to take things quickly."_** Oh, we KNOW. Poor Dean was never the same.**_

I quickly said, "I like to do things slowly." _**Suuuure. **_

And she said, "If you wish. Come and met me in my room tonight. I have things to tell you. I will teach all there is to know about Stan _**WHO'S STAN? **_and his evil ways. All hail Satan!" This comment made me sick, _**If you keep getting sick, go to Madame Pomfrey.**_ but I had to go with it so to please God and find out about Satan's plan to kill a group of Christians.

I then went to sell class _**You sold a class? How much did you make? **_where I learnt that the switches and wizards were learning _**Learning about switches learning… best learnable thing to learn, in my learned opinion! **_about blowing things up with say satanic words which I wont say here because I don't want to teach you atheistic satanic _**? **_scum how to do magic, _**You don't need to. We already know. It's "Reducto", isn't it? **_for it is satanic evil and will be punished with the eternal flames of hell. If you want to be saved, burn all your witchcraft books, including Harry Potter, and then God will forgive you! _**Burning JKR's works of art? How dare you!**_

I then went to Hagrid`s class and he taught me secretly how to kill a magic breast _**Ooh, bad mental image **_without using wizardry. _**Yes. It's called guns. I hear Voldemort hands them out for free. **_We also secretly read psalm and prayers and songs to the glory of God and his eternal son our lord Jesus Christ. And then I went to Ginny`s room._** Ooh, racy!**_


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm back. Miss me?**

Idoisy stop reviewing my story. **"Idoisy", the minute I find you, you're going straight onto my "Favourite Authors" list. **If you don't like it stop reviewing it. Your hateful disgusting comments are not welcome here. **Is that what s/he said to you in his/her review? **I am not going to delete this story or my other story for they are not breaking any rules! **Assuming we live in an alternate universe and your "stories" complied with fanfiction policies, I would advise you to take them down anyway, or we'll break something of yours. **And this is not offensive,** Listen to the masses. It. Is. **I am telling the truth, Christianity is being lost in England **where men and women truly do fly through the air in black clouds and mutter Latin under their breaths **and must be cleanse of all nonbelievers so that can be prepared for the return of our lord and savior Jesus Christ, and so he can give his eternal judgement apron us. **I don't think I've ever worn an apron in my life. Is that weird? **If a few don't believe than the entire nation is punished for letting it continued. It is a sin to ignore such evil things to continue! **Ignoring to continue is fun. **And that is why I am trying to cleanse my brother of the demons that has lied to him. **See bottom of page. **He has consulted with Satanic atheists and they have tricked him into believing that my beliefs are lies. **They are. I don't recall Jesus ever saying "HEY, EVERYONE, I LOVE SWORDS!" **God will punish him! God has told me that Jesus is coming and we have to be reedy! **Reedy? I hate things that sound reedy… they remind me of my fourth grade math teacher. **Repent now or you will be punished with the eternal flames of hell! He **Who? **is retuning. Amen and amen! Thankyo Ebony Brown for proofreading this story. God will bless you for helping on his followers convert the world to the Christian way. Amen.

**Grab the popcorn. I would like to see that happening.**

And so I went to Ginny`s room. Before she let me in she told me this, "I have other guest as well, who sneak into my room each night and do satanic rituals. Their name is Harry Potter and Ron Weakling, who are gay lovers." **I was always rooting for those two kids to get together… **This comment made me sick, **Why? It's just a couple of guys in a relationship. No biggie.** but I knew I had to continue. Once I find Dumbledore`s plans I could punish these sinners with the only thig they deserve: Death and being sent to the eternal flames of hell!

**So not lying to yourself and being with a member of the gender of your choice will send you straight to hell, no questions asked? I always hated that aspect of devout religion… no acceptance whatsoever.**

I said, "I understand. Now let us enter and talk," I said. I decided to play along because I wanted to find out as much information about them so that I could us against them, and being to give reason to publish them. **You don't need a reason. You just publish. That's what this website's all about, isn't it? **And so I went into the room and saw Harry and Ron laying on the bed. They were reading the Satanic Bible, **That's it? I was hoping for something a bit more interesting. **which also made me sick as it was mocking Christianity and God, ***facepalm* **and if I could get away with it I would have got the book and burnt it in front them and punished them for their wrong doings, but because it would reveal my cover I decided not to burn the book and punish them for their sins and evil doings! But I decided that one day I would punished them! **Past tense? Fine. Now make me some waffles.**

And Ginny said, "I every now and then do satanic rituals with Harry **Oh, I understand now. Satanic Rituals= intercourse. **every now and then because we are both Bisexuals, meaning that we have sex with both boys and girls, but I don't do it with Ron because it is incest. Even Satanists have standards." **Somehow, I don't believe a person would talk about themselves in such a self-condescending manner. That is, unless they have a very low self opinion… but I don't believe that is the case with our Ginnykins.**

I wanted to go, so I said, "I have homework. I will talk to you latter," **Already? But you didn't learn anything about Stan yet! **for it was making me very unconformable. And so I went back to my room and went to bed. I read the Bible ion which I read the book of Kings and how Israel went satanic and how God punished them for doing so. **The Israelites worship idols in practically every book. But if you really wanted to talk about a book where the Israelites deviated from the 10 commandments, Book of Judges would be the prime example. I never really liked the Book of Judges… it's so repetitive. **I prayed to God that they would do the same. And God told me that Jerry would advise tomorrow. Amen.

To all those real Christian, my prayers go to you. Hopefully this story will strengthen you.** To all the real Christians reading this, I truly apologize in the name of this monster.**

* * *

><p><strong>I would like to take this moment to say that I take back absolutely every negative thing I said about Noah Nehemia Brown. To fully understand why, I highly recommend you read the fic "GOD IS DEAD" on his profile, Noahmania. Even if you do believe in God, I suggest you read it.<strong>

**Fun fact- Noah was the one who put in all the My Immortal references.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Again, I recommend a song for the chapter- Viva La Vida by Coldplay.**

Going to Riverside **Riverside? That sounds like the name of my old high school… **tomorrow for the day, so I wont be able to write a chapter tomorrow. **I would be happy about that, but I know I have about… 54 chapters and counting before I catch up. **To all those think I am a Satanist, you are very much wrong, I am the most truest Christian here, **lol **and God will not put with any of your lies! You will sorely be punished! Bee **Did I already mention I used to be in the spelling bee in middle school? I always made it to the top ten, but never won… it was frustrating. **hold God`s merciful wrath! Amen. And Ebony is a real person!

And so it was Sunday and Hagrid had asked me to do the weeks reading, so I studied the Bible for a good hour or so planning my speech **You too with the speeches? **and what I was going to talk about, which I was tied between Christ resurrection or the ten commandments, but I decided on how two wolfs killed 42 children for mocking the lord`s profit, **Children? **_**Really?**_** How utterly gruesome. **and why it is needed to punished those who mock us, such as Atheists, Hindus, Muslims, and Buddhists.** They don't mock you, Tommy-boy. Lay off the cocaine.** I also planed to talk about the travels of Peter, for Jerry **When did he get here? **was very interested in the book of ACTS, which derails the travels of Saint Peter and Saint Paul across the roman empire and converting away everyone from the evil false **How can they be evil if they don't exist? Can you answer that? Can ya? CAN YA? Huh, HUH? **gods of the **ROMANS **Greeks which Jerry managed to kill in the other story with Percy Jackson, who was busy helping his church out to come, but Jerry had turned up though, along with his girlfriend **Wal-**Mart.

And so I went to the church meeting which was in Hagrid`s house. A about a few hundred secret Christians tuned up. **Out of the 280 students that attend Hogwarts? Impressive. **So I went up front and opened my mouth, **Good. Now close it. **"Behold I speak to now is a berry impartment **Does anyone have a BrainDeadSpeak-to-English dictionary handy? **issue, which is must be stop. Many of your fellow students are practise sins against our lord and savior Jesus Christ. **I refuse to comment. **They are having same gender sex and having open relationships. It was once told in the Bible that God sent two wolfs to kill a group of people that mocked one of God`s profits. **NEVER mess with the money. **The same thing will happen to these atheistic Satanists. **That's an oxymoron, **_**dear. **_God has sent me and Jerry to go undercover into your school and find information on an attack by Dumbledore. And once we work his plan we will kill him and anyone practising atheistic rituals. And it will be a great day."

"**We're going to break into an old guy's office, kill some kids, and burn down a thousand-year-old castle! It's gonna be the bestest day EVER!"**

And Hagrid came up to speak, but people started booing him because was a teacher. **How does this teach good morals? Hate your teacher? Boo your elders? This is… I can't think of a fitting word. Review if you have a suggestion. **He started to cry because he really wanted to speak, so Ebony got up and said, "Let the man speak. He has much knowledge will be very useful in our time of need." So they let him speak.

"I may be a Hogwarts teacher", he yelled loudly, "but I`m also a Christian!" And everyone cheered. **That's all he wanted to say?**

And then Jerry went up **to the cliff and jumped off it. Then everybody lived happily ever after. **and taught us some of his wisdom, "I can declare to you now that the evil gods in the United States of America have been defeated and everyone there is free of Satan grip. But as a warning, he is now hiding here and I fear Dumbledore might know where he is hiding. With the help of all of you we will be able to find Satan and remove him from England and make it return to the true Catholic way. ***sighs, rubs temples, and takes a 15 minute break* **We will remove the static Queen and her greedy family from power **They aren't technically in power… they're more of a representative figure, really. **and replace it with a conservative democratic system much like in America, and we will outlaw atheism, witchcraft and liverish. Behold the **old-fashioned, nonsensical, immoral, dishonest, disgusting, non-**truth way!

"For here is another teaching I told my own church back in the United States of America to my Prayer Warriors: were one step ahead of the enemy now. **Abrupt tense changes? I don't even understand what that sentence means. **You are not going ageist **Ageism- a concept that was taught roughly 2-3 paragraphs ago. **this evil way of life, and you are now willing to help **Who said anything about that? **us destroy this evil satanic school of witchcraft. This will truly cripple Stan **Bharti, CEO of Athlone Bancorp.? **We need to find out what they are doing and punished them, for they have sinned for too long and rejected our lord Jesuit Christ, the only forgotten don **Lord? **of the one tire **vroom-vroom **God, and our lord and saviors!

"I tell you that the end is near, **I believe the next doomsday is in December, isn't it? **and although false profits have lied to to you, this time it is the truth. God has told me to tell you that his planning to send all of us true Christians up to heaven, while leaving all the nonbeliebers to suffer the wrath of God, **You claim He told you He was leaving non-Justin-Bieber fans to face His own wrath? **in which they will be boiled by fires, wars and paradox. **A hole in the space-time continuum? Back To The Future is awesome. **And at the end, all of them will be dropped into the flames of hell. Here is what God told me, this will happen after 66 days **not 666 days? **after the false prediction made by the coward Harold Campo, **Which Harold Campo? The one that lives in Lake Worth, FL, the one that lives in Sagino, MI, the one that lives in Parlin, NJ, the one that lives in Mandeville, LA, or the one that lives in Pembroke Pines, FL? **and he is going to burn in hell as well! Behold the great day it will be! Mane ***insert horse noises here* **and amen!

"And now i declare this meeting over, and congratulate every for tuning up to this god-fearing meting. Amen and mane." **Honestly, what? **And everyone cheered at Jerry`s speech.

And well we talked to each other after the meeting, I noticed Draco talking to Ebony. After a while, Draco went up to me and said, "She looks pretty. I really want her as my wife. **Just because she looks pretty? I would love to see how your married life goes. **I will have to ask her out."** Aren't you taking this a bit fast?**

And I went back to my room at the end of the day, and I read more of the bible, in which I read the book of Revelations, and how God is about to punish everyone. I could not wait for the end of the word to happen.** Wake me up when the world ends.**

Brasta Septim and Idiosy will be the first people to be punished under the once druse God his eternal son our lord Jesus Christ. Its is you that is trolling by spamming my storey with pointless reviews that are offensive to me. **As ever, returning the favour. **You should all be ashamed **I'm rather proud, actually **of ourselves! **You're including yourself here too? Then, yes, you should be ashamed. **This is not a laughing matter, prepend now or face the fames of Jell! **Remember my name! Fame! I'm gonna live forever… high in the sky like a flame. Fame! **Stan **Mikita, the Canadian hockey player? **will think twist about taking on God for God is much more powerful that him! And I am thinking about continuing my other Prayer Warrior storey. **Don't. Don't. Don't. DON'T. **Amen and amen, May Jesus`s legacy last for ever and ever and ever. Mane and amen and amen! Just simply Believe!

**Long chapter. That was painful.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Be warned- this is the official tongue-twister chapter.**

How dare you hack into my account, **The word "dare" has lost all meaning to me now. **you are as bas as those satanic scum that hacked into my original account. **How many accounts does this guy have? Fifty? **You will truly be sent to hell on the final judgement. **Because they cracked your password? You really are quite the drama queen. **You just as bad as Osama Bin Laden and the extremist Satanist Barrack Obama. **So they are as bad as a terrorist and the nice man who sent "shoulders" to kill said terrorist? **We should kick these liberal scums out of our schools and university, spreading liberals lies. **Unfortunately for you, Tommy-boy, they're necessary to balance out the stupidity you alone inflict on the schooling system. **Schools and university should only teach the way of our lorf Jesus Christ, and nothing else, **That would get rather boring after a while, not to mention give very limited career possibilities **for sciences and social studies corrupt minds. Amen.

**Don't come crying to me when you contract some deadly disease because it was "antichrist scientists" who developed the vaccines.**

**Invite me to the funeral anyway. I want to show up dressed like a munchkin, and sing "Ding Dong! Thomas Brown is dead. Which old Tom? The extremist Tom! Ding Dong! Thomas Brown is dead!"**

**And now it's tongue-twister time.**

And I went to my next class, which was about planting plants, **Oh, lovely, Herbology. Tell Professor Sprout hi for me. **but I knew these plants were deadly **Oh, no, what gave it away? **and were used to poison Christians, so I poisoned them so that the plants died, but I didn't use any witchcraft by making poisonous potion using witchcraft, but making it the natural way God told us to do it, which is by knowing basic chemistry which is allowed by God for it is not witchcraft, but using Atoms, **How in the world did you do that? Did you make a mini-atomic-bomb and hid it under the Venomous Tentacula? Wouldn't it be easier to just use rat poison? **and because Atoms don't contradict God and his eternal son our lord and savior Jesus Christ, then it is real therefore not witchcraft, **Logic=dead **and with that potion I poisoned the poisonous plants that were going to be used to ill fellow Christians of mane, **neigh **especially the Prayer Warriors back in the Holy United State of Godfearing America, and also the underground Christian movement in England, including at Hogwarts which I founded, and I was glad I poisoned the plant because I knew I had saved many lives and garreteer a place in heaven, for destroying atheists will protect us for the only thing an atheists wants to do is kill us Christians, **The atheist friend I mentioned in the previous commentary just said "That's not true! I want to… get my degree in microbiology and work in medical research, and someday meet my true love so we can convince McDonald's to bring back the Fiesta Signature wrap together, then skip into the sunset holding hands!" **and make a mockery of us with disturbing stories such as the one Idiosy and Brasta Septim, you evil atheistic scum bags!

I then went to potions class where ill earn that Hogwarts was making boobs, **I wasn't aware that Hogwarts transformed into an academy for budding plastic surgeons. **but did not know what they were planning to do with them. I talked to Ginny and learnt that Rom was her sister. **So Ron finally got that sex change, huh? Probably used his friends the plastic surgeons to arrange the operation. **I also learned that Dumbledore let Harry Potter get away with a lot of things, such as leaving school and going somewhere else, but she did not tell me where he goes, but I assume he went onto secret missions to murder innocent Christians, how dare them do that! **Um, no, he just sneaks out to get candy.**

And there was a school assembling. Dumbledore said in an evil voice: **Not a sexy voice? Considering the My Immortal references, I thought for sure that it was going to crop up. **"I found this student that was both serving Satan and also to God, trying to make friends with both of them. The only punishment is death." And for once I agreed with him. "We will hung, dry, and courted him! Hail Stash!"

**Stash? I keep a candy stash under my desk. Speaking of which, Tommy-boy, you owe me a bag of baked Original Bits and Bites.**

And so we watched and cheered as a student named Noah was stoned to death. **Wha-No! Not Noah! Anyone BUT Noah! Take… take Lavender Brown instead! **And we let his rot, for he was a traitorous and didn't deserve respect at all. **Yes. He. Does. **(How dare you hack into my account, **See? He does deserve respect. **and support satanic scum. You are not real Christian, **He was a better Christian than you, before he became atheist. **and you will burn in Hekla!)

**Hekla- a stratovolcano located in the south of Iceland**

And then I went to Dark Acts Practise where the students learnt to do a death spiel to kill innocent Christian. **Avada Kedavra? That's rather advanced. Who did you practise it on? Was it Jerry? I bet it was Jerry. **I pretended to do the spell but no one nitride **Nitride- a compound of nitrogen where nitrogen has a formal oxidation state of −3.** me. I felt like publishing them, **Clearly, you already have, or I wouldn't be here.** but knew that I could get caught if I did so. I then went to my room and said a prayer and then went to bed.

I am planning to write more to The Evil God. **You're going to write more to the evil god? I never knew you were into that kind of thing. **Amen.

**Challenge- say "With that potion I poisoned the poisonous plants" 5 times fast.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Finally hit the halfway mark for this too! I'd like to thank Happygirl122, jerina3333, kelkel153, Me The Awesome, XxKimiChanxX, Mars, Alyx1373, Vicky, FaeTheDevoutScholar, Andrew, AzuMaria, you-probably-don't-know-who, thelittlelostbrain, Lidsworth, and RavenOfLiterature for the reviews, and Killer Bunny of SCIENCE for the frankly impressive rant.**

**By the way, RavenOfLiterature, I believe he's planning on doing Star Wars next. Unfortunately, there's a chance I won't commentate that one, since I don't know jack about Star Wars.**

**Everything in bold italics in this chapter is My Immortal quotes.**

This chapter will be from Draco`s point of view: **This should be good.**

After being baptised by Michael, who is one of the best person I know, other than Jesus Christ of his my best friend ever. **Michael? You just met him and he's your best friend? How lonely are you? **After coming up from the waters I feud new purpose in life, which was to live a true Christian life, and be god, **In the eyes of many of the fangirls, you already are. **and worship our lord and savior Jesus Christ of Narrative. When Jerry had come over from the holey United States of America he had be turned into a prayer warrior so that I could spread the Gospel throughout England, and teach the evilness that is Anglicanism. **Anglicanism is a branch of Christianity, Tommy-boy.**

And at that meeting I saw a very pretty grill, **A grill? Did it have any burgers on it? **with blonde hair **The grill had hair? **and golden white skin. _**I have pale white skin**_ Her hair was tied back in a Christian manner, and she man sure that she was not taller than any man. **Even Collin Creevey? She probably crawled around… **She wore a green dress **still St. Patrick's day **that didn't show her knees. Her eyes were limpid blue, **…**_**and icy blue eyes like limpid tears**_ and she did not ware any lipstick.

"Hello" I said.

"Hello" she said.

_**"Hi." he said.**_

_**"Hi." I replied flirtily.**_

"Want to go out" I asked.

"Yes" she said.

_**"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.**_

_**I gasped.**_

"Let's go to a Christian rock concert which happen tomorrow. Jars of Clay are planning in the nearby town of Portsmouth. Want to go with me?" I assed her. **To quote Michelle from Full House, "How rude!"**

"Jars of Clay are my favorite, of course I will go with you" she said. "By the way, my name is Ebony." **He doesn't know her name and he's asking her out? Where has normalcy gone?**

_**"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.**_

_**"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.**_

And so I met her the next day and we went to the convert. **(geddit cuz he's "Christian") **Family Force Five were the support act. **And we need to know this, why? **While in the care **of whom? **we read verses from the Bible, and Jerry, Mary and Hadgrid came with us, so they helped us read the Bible **You can't read by yourself? **and analyse it, and proof that it is true.

We then came to the convert, we sat down, for moshing was satanic, **Not to mention, you can't mosh to Christian rock. It's impossible. I've tried. **and no one did it. We listened to Family Force Five play, **sitting quietly like good little children? **and then we waited for Jars of Clay to come on stag. **They were going to come in on Harry's Patronous? **So we read more of the bible. And then Jars of Clay. **You read the bible and then Jars of Clay? I didn't know it was a book. **I noticed Ebony varying.

_**We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.**_

"What is wrong" I asked jerk

"Dan Haseltine is cutch a good singer, but he is not as hot as you" she said. She then kissed by in a Christian way. **Really? Ginny's not allowed to pat Michael on the back, but Ebony's allowed to have a tongue-fest with Draco? **And then we went to Hagrid`s hut after the convert **Concert. It's spelled C-O-N-C-E-R-T. **and read some of the Bible. And then we kissed even more for I loved her very much, but we didn't do anything more than that, you sicko. _**…only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko**_ And then we went back to the school and I went to bed.

"_**Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.**_

_**Suddenly Draco looked sad.**_

_**"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.**_

_**"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.**_

**A short chapter, whoop-dee-doo.**

**I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait until I get to Evil Gods Part 2. Spelling mistakes abound!**


	11. Chapter 11

This is from Michael's point of view:** Shame. I liked Draco.**

The day before the concert, **Have we traveled back in time using the DeLorean from Back To The Future? I hope that means we'll get to meet Christopher Lloyd in this chapter…. He's awesome. Wait… I just realized… the full name of the Doc from BTTF was Dr. Emmet L. Brown… Brown? **_**Brown? **_Hagrid asked me to read to him one of the prayers I had written a few days ago. He as very much interested in it. **Well, we're not. Can we skip over this? **And because it was in Latin, he wanted to hear it even more. **Because of course Hagrid understands Latin. **So all day I practised it, resaying my lines over and over again. **I tend to press the save button over and over again when I'm working on something important. I don't believe I've ever done it for this fic. **And then I went over to Hargit`s house, he does not live in a house ok. **Of course, silly me. I forgot Hagrid lives in the oven at Domino's Pizza. **And he became a Christian because he was annoyed at Dumbledore and his ignorant ways. All atheists are ignorant and irrational fools that always jumps to conclusions.

"'**_I AM NOT HAVING AN ABORTION! YOU ARE JUST COMING TO ASSUMPTIONS!' she yelled angrily."_~ Mary to Jerry, Chapter 13 of The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part One**

"Hello my fellow worshiper in Christ, I am gleeful **I like Glee. It has Darren Criss in it. **that you have come to give me a private lesson in my house, for any Christian house is a god-fearing house **So "Hagrit" does have a house. Good. Great. **and suited to teach the ways of the our lord and savior Jesus Christ, the only begotten son of the one true God of Israel. **Israel is the "promised land" where God's chosen people would go, not the single land that God represents. God represents everything. **This is truly a Christian Church. **Hagrid's cabin is a church? **I am thankful for you giving your speech yesterday. It was truly inspirational" said Hagrid.

And then I said, then I must teach you a great prayer God once told me in a dream. **I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream… **It is in Latin, but because you know Latin you will understand every single word, but any atheist that reads it are dumb and wont realise its true meaning, **Yes, I forgot everyone in civilized countries has to fluently speak a dead language. **especially the Satanic church of England. Here it goes:

_Sequereveram esse viamunius veri Dei  
>Numquampeccare insancta conversatione<br>Verumenimetdiabolusest iniquitas maxima  
>Punirepeccantes,omnisflammamerentur<br>Tu mihisolatium, maximum luxsemper  
>Mortuus esmihiincruce, ita ut vivamus<br>Ultra morteminmundumvester caelestis  
>In finali judiciocumvinceseleganti. Amen.<em>

**I copy-pasted it into Google Translate, and this is what I got-**

**_Sequereveram viamunius_ to be the true God  
><em>Numquampeccare insancta<em> conversation  
>A very great iniquity <em>Verumenimetdiabolusest<em>  
><em>Punirepeccantes, omnisflammamerentur<em>  
>You <em>mihisolatium<em>, the greatest of _luxsemper_  
><em>Esmihiincruce<em> died, so that we might live  
>Beyond the heavenly <em>morteminmundumvester<br>_In the final _judiciocumvinceseleganti._ Amen.**

**I believe this is an appropriate time to say "WTF?"**

"And last night God told me another message, far greater than the one he told me before, and this one will comfort you even more for it details that doom that all sinners will face. It is the greatest thing I have ever heard God say:

_Malumscholaveneficiacorruet  
>Fietvobismoxcredentibus<br>Postvictoriamiudiciumveniet dies  
>Vicesimo sexto<em> _Iuliidies illares redit, ut  
>Paradieet dolensiubetDeus<br>Solusibitfidelisaeternacaeli  
>Allpeccatoresin infernum eat<br>Et faciemiraDei omnipotentis. Amen._

**Okay, after putting in some spaces, I think I got it-**

**_Scholave neficia_ evil shall fall  
>You shall come to pass just to those who believe<br>After the victory will come the day judgment _miudi_  
>Yea, the place of the sixth Julius <em>idies<em> of those returns, as  
><em>Paradie<em> and sorrowful, if the God of _ubet_  
>The only member of the faithful shall go with bristles, give nature of heaven<br>All hell let him go but if sin have made  
>And a wonderful face of God Almighty. Amen.<strong>

**I somehow doubt Tommy-boy wrote that himself.**

"And so that was all the God has told me. I can truly tell you that your dream will come true in due time. Judgement day is very soon, and through this prayer you will understand all. **I… didn't understand anything. Just that your space bar is broken. **Jesus Christ will come down and punish all nonbelievers. But before that, Hogwarts will full! **Hogwarts was hungry, now it will be full! **Behold it is already crumbling. **No duh. It's a thousand years old. **I have Ginny at my grip, **Are you the monster of the Chamber of Secrets? **and soon she will spill the beans, **Why? I was going to use those beans to make soup! **and teach me how to get into Dumbledore`s office and find out his Satanic Plans."

And Hagrid says: "I have been comforted. Now go **fuck yourself **and be safe! Amen!"


	12. Chapter 12

I can speak Latin! **Great. What use is it in your day-to-day-life? Do you order Chinese take-out with Latin? **_**"Can EGO adepto nonnullus eggrolls per illud noodles?" **_You don't have to lecture me over it, and it didn't use a translator! **Too bad. It would have been much funnier if you did. **I am catholic so I now what I am talking about. **In ninth grade, I took a drama class. Almost everyone there was Catholic. None of them spoke Latin. **And I not copying anyone, this is all original, **Thank God. I don't think I could stand another one like this. **because stealing someone's else's idea is against God`s laws. And don't you dare get involved with my brother, **What's his number? **he is dangerous and will corrupt your mind with liberal lies. He is somewhere in Kansas City, **He's staying with some friends. Read his profile, you ludacris fool. **so if you come across him, tell me where he is so I can teach him a lesson in God`s wrath to nonbelievers!

**Good. Now I know where Tommy-boy lives. Looks like I'll be using that axe much sooner than I thought.**

While Draco and Ebony were at the Christian Rock Concert, I was in the library **You didn't go? Forever alone… **looking for some more information on any plans for attack on Christians, **Didn't this already happen? **but I could not find any more information, so I suspected that it was in Dumbledore`s office. **No shit. **So I gave up, and decided to look for any clue to get into Dumbledore`s office, for they could a key or something in the library **Try the key hanger. It's right next to the portal to Narnia. **which could unlocked the door to Dumbledore`s office, and then I will be able to find plans about how to stop Dumbledore and his satanic crusade.

**I'm just imagining Dumby on the front of a boat with his beard flapping in the wind, stretching his arms out and saying "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"**

And then came Harry Potter **Brilliant. Seriously, a Harry Potter fic, and the Boy Who Lived doesn't appear until chapter 12. **who looked very pleased with himself. **Naturally. He just came (See what I did there?). **He went up to me and said, "Don't you dare go anywhere near my Ginny. **You're not even dating yet. **I know you want to have satanic sex with her, '**How dare you?' **but she is my satanic whore not yours. **I thought Ronny was your "satanic whore"? **If I see you with her ever again I will tell Dumbledore and his will torture you!" And he laughed a crawl satanic laugh and walked away. I kept researching into how get my way into Dumbledore`s offices. **Like a good boy, like a good boy, nananana…**

**Nigahiga? Anyone?**

And then I heard a massive explosion that came from the toilets. **Is Tommy Riddle coming back to duel Tommy Brown? **So I went to the toilets **You went into the girl's bathroom? **and I realised that Ginny had been blown up. **Yep, Tommy Riddle. I hope it's the Tom Riddle from Chamber of Secrets and not Half Blood Prince… I liked that actor much better. **I saw peace **(Y)**of her bodies here and there, and I was sure I had seen the top part of her head and peace of her black painted fingers. **TMI, Mikey. **I was very annoyed **Just annoyed? Your pseudo-girlfriend just went boom! **from someone had realised that someone had realised **Someone realised that another person realised? So why not just kill the first person that realized and spare yourself the realization. Or epiphany, if you will. **about me trying to use Ginny to get into Dumbledore`s office. I hated that person and wanted to get revenge on them for killing the only link to Dumbledore and stopping an attack on Christians. **279 other students at Hogwarts, Mikey. I told you once, now I've told you twice- ask a Hufflepuff. **And so I left the body where it was for I didn't think she deserved to be buried in any form for she was a satanic scum and deserved what she got.

**So you're leaving a bunch of chunks-o-Ginny on the bathroom floor for Filch to clean up? You're mean.**

I then went back to my bedroom. Not before long, Draco and Ebony came back, **They didn't take a detour to the Forbidden Forest and get rudely interrupted by Dumbledore, who happened to have a headache and therefore cursed like a sailor? **and I told them about Ginny being blown up. Draco was glad because he hated that satanic whore. **Wasn't she his ex-girlfriend? Drinny fans will be disappointed. Drapple fans rejoice.** We discussed further plans to get into Dumbledore`s office, but could think of any for the only link to knowing how to get into Dumbledore`s office at all. And so we read the Bible, especially the First Letter to the Corinthians chapter 13, but also read about how David defeated Goliath **But that's all the way back in the Books of Samuel! **and how we were like him defeating the mighty Hogwarts. **You're not. Now go watch some Monty Python and shut up. **And so I went to bed. Ebony went to her room **I believe we established that 2 chapters ago **for Draco and Ebony where not married yet.

Itaque præter res coepi agnoscere te malum maxime unquam potest. Quomodo audes vocas at mi fidelis fuisti atheos et gravius esse unquam. Tu vero adolebit in inferno propter peccata vestra Deo concedunt nunc ineo atheos regna caelorum. Non mi frater!

Omnes enim qui clamas fidelibus sed te putas caelum veniunt ex bono opere, hoc est mendacium. Solum fidem in unum verum Deum liberent te et populum dicendo iram si non accipies eum Deus. Ego ibit ad coelum et ego bono opere omnia admoneo peccandi poena non paenitebit. Salvari paenitentiam domino et salvatoris Iesu Christi narratione quam in cruce pro peccatis nostris? Amen fiat.

**Translation-**

_**Therefore, besides the things I began to recognize the most you can ever be evil. How dare you call at my thou hast been faithful and atheists to be more serious at any time. But you shall burn in hell for your sins, God grant atheists now to enter the kingdom of heaven. Not my brother!  
>For all who come into heaven by good work you think you are called out but the faithful, that is a lie. Only faith in the one true God can save you and the people saying if they do not take him to the wrath of God. I shall go to heaven and to do all the good I will not repent, I remind the punishment of sin. Repentance to be saved than the narrative of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ on the cross for our sins? Amen, so be it.<strong>_

**Can someone translate? I don't speak Narrowhead.**


	13. Chapter 13

This is from Draco`s point of view: **I sense this will not be as enjoyable as last time.**

And Michael called for a meeting between us Christians among Hogwarts. **How? Did he use his Latin powers? **And we discussed about the matter of Ginny and who could know what had happened. **She went boom and died. That's preeeeetty much what happened. **I couldn't believe what had happened to Ginny, but I never liked her anyway_**. "I use to date her a year ago"~ **_**Draco Malfoy, Chapter 5 of Battle With The Witches** She was a whore and had sex with her brother all the time_**. "…but I don't do it with Ron because it is incest. Even Satanists have standards."~**_** Ginny Weasley, Chapter 7 of Battle With The Witches. Are you planning on contradicting yourself again before this paragraph is up, Tommy-boy? A heads-up will be nice.** She made me feel sick and was glad that she was gone.

And Michael said to us, "Finally the whore is dead, **I'm getting déjà vu… this is sounding exactly like chapter 2 of Evil Gods Part One. **but do not rejoice for it is a blessing on Stan`s **Williams, the co-founder of the notorious American street gang,** **the Crips? **behalf. We need a new link to Dumbledore. The only other person I can think of is Harry Potter, but no one wants to put themselves forward." **Do it yourself, Mikey. Better yet, get Jerry to do it. I'd love to see Jerrykins get Crucio-ed from here to the middle of next year.**

And then Ebony said, "I will put myself forward **like a bawss **if that is what you wish from me. I will serve the lord and savior Jesus Christ by putting myself into the arms of Harry Potter **A Mary-Sue named Ebony in a polygamous relationship with both Draco and Harry? This sounds mighty familiar… **so that I can get the key to be able to get into Dumbledore's office. I know it will send me to hell doing such thing, but if it is for the gory of our lord, then be it, I will do as you comment." **Speaking of comments, reviews are nice, aren't they?**

And Michael said, "I am glad someone put themselves forward. **For some reason, I am forcibly reminded of that story with the mice and the cat with the bell. Ooh, I have an idea- why don't they put a bell on Harry and see if that gets them into Dumbledore's office? That makes just about as much sense as this plan. **I will look for any other ways, **Hint- they are not in the library. Stop searching there. **but while I am doing that, you must find any information from Harry Potter, even if it means sleeping with him, but **of course we will not tell you stanic scrum, so you do not get pleasure out of it and get an organism." That's how this sentence usually ends, isn't it? **don't worry, God will forgive you for such sinful acts, for it is doing the benefit him that is above, and his heavenly song, our lord and savior Jesus Christ of Narrative." **Blimey, not this typo again. It's Nazareth, Jesus of **_**Nazareth!**_

I, Draco, could not believe what I was hearing, **I, I3****TB, am just used to it already. **"How dare you **Allow me to suggest some synonyms to dare- challenge, defy, taunt… your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of elderberries. Leave now before I taunt you a second time, silly kiniget. **let this innocent girl walk straight to hell. God will not allow such an act to be let into heaven. I love her berry **Did you know strawberries aren't technically berries? That makes me a bit sad, since they're my favourite… but I guess blackberries are pretty good too. What berries do you prefer? Review and tell me. **much, and I plead to you to not let her do such a thing."

And Michael said me in such lovingly Christian manner, "I will not let her get into harm's way."

And Ebony said, "He knows what he is doing." **Translation- haha, I get to screw Harry Potter and you don't!**

I was very angry and feeling in such a Satanic mood **I'm in a rather Buddhist mood, myself. **that I ran off. I went to the forest **where you lost your virility to another infamous Ebony? **and started to scream. **I got moves like Jagger. **How dare they do such a thing? **It's not my fault you were sleeping while we played Truth or Dare.** I could not believe what Michael wanted doing. I wanted to pray to God for he could answer my problems, but no one answered. **Well, no wonder. You're not a prophet. The way this usually goes is you talk, He listens, and if He deems you worthy, he helps you out. **I screamed and scream yet there was not relying. **Do you want some Halls cough drops? **Suddenly an evil looking person appeared. **Draco, don't judge a book by it's cover, you naughty boy!**

He said, "My name Voldemort **Shouldn't Draco know who he is? Since Voldy is his dad's best buddy and all? **and I want you to doing something for me. I want you to kill Michael for if he manages to kill Dumbledore and destroy Hogwarts then I have nothing to fight for. **What about eternal life? Isn't that what you usually fight for? **If you refuse to kill Michael I will kill Ebony. And I am being serious!" And he blew off.

**Is this a habit of Voldy's? Appearing in front of angsty teenagers in the woods and telling them to kill some random guy or he will kill their lover?**

And I was really scared and didn't know what to do. Who was this person **This person is Voldemort. Pay attention. **and how could I get out of the mess that I was in. I wanted to find a way out of the situation that I was in but couldn't. Not even our lord Jesus Christ savior of all answered to me. And I was all alone. **Hansel and Gretel were all alone in the woods after talking to some old person with magical powers too, and they turned out just fine. Keep calm and carry on.**

THE WORLD IS GOING TO END ON JULY THE SIXTEENTH, TWO THOUSAND AND ELEVEN. **It's now February the second, two thousand and twelve, and the world seems perfectly intact. **CONFESS THAT YOU ARE A SINNER AND BELIEVE THAT OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOUR SINS! IF YOU DON'T

**Open ended threats are cool.**


	14. Chapter 14

This chapter returns to Michael's point of view. **You don't need a whole sentence to tell us, Tommy-boy. Just say "MICHAEL POV" and be done with it.**

I was very shocked when Draco suddenly walked out Hagrid`s house during the meeting, **You didn't know he was a huffy drama queen? **but he must have bee **bzz bzz **angry at Ebony`s decision to make friends with Harry Potter. **No, he was just angry at the fact that you were letting her lose her virginity to someone who is not her boyfriend. **He did not return at any point during the night, so I let it be. **Whenever I'm in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me… speaking words of wisdom, let it be… **And so went to Ebony and I said blessing to her, making sure that God will pretext her. **Pretext- alleged reason, excuse, red herring. **She looked worried but knew that she had to do this mission. **She could have simply… not volunteered. **And so I said a prayer to her, which made her a Prayer Warrior, **She wasn't already? Or was she too busy being goff or knitting or whatever she does with her spare time? **the first woman to ever become a Prayer Warrior, **What about Clarisse? **such a historic event:

_Hocmulierumbenedicentur in tesimilitudinem  
>Itaquepotestquodtegebatur tuachrist<br>Peccabitquesed illiin magnaomnium nostrum  
>Post <em>

_Cumaeterni judiciifitinvigesimo sextoJulii  
>Mitteturcælumsicutvere fideliserat enimbona<br>Iesum _

_At ilianon peccabis, neque dormiet inlectoex stupro  
>Osculanon<br>Nemininon intelligitmitteminiincaelo etinfernofoueas  
>Deusestjustus, etpropitiatio, etintelligetcausae <em>

_Egoutilitatemdomini etlicebitutiaeterni iudicii  
>Vosmosservo ineburdieiudiciiquodpropediem<br>Gaudeteerisunusmultorumsalvus essetum  
>Sed memento,multiexlaederene voscredere <em>

_Cum potestatedata est mihi aDomini Saluatoris  
>UnigenitusDeus solusdeJesu Christihistoria<br>: itasapienteruti  
>Tusempermulieribus inobtinuititabenedicere. Amen.<em>

**I beg you, please get your spacebar fixed!**

And so I let her do her mission. And a few minutes later, Hagrid came to me and said, "Jerry of Christ tells me that he wants to me you. **He wants to me him? Oh, youngsters and their ever-evolving slang… I just can't keep up. **He is at my house at this current moment. Please move quickly, for he needs to be off soon." **To do what? Chill in his white and gold crucifix-patterned snuggie and bunny slippers, turning on Latin-MTV so they could teach him how to Douggie in a Christian way? **

And so I followed Hagrid to his house (he does not live in hut). **I think you'll find he does. That's why they call it "Hagrid's hut". **And I went up to Jerry who was sitting at a table and said to him, "What was it that you wished to talk to me about. I am in distressed for things have not gone to plan. **They haven't even started. What could have possibly gone wrong? **Read credere ad salutem dicere read votis dicere credo."

And Jerry said, "I have found a portal to another world in this evil school. **Is this turning into a Golden Compass crossover? **I fear it is not be converting to the ay of Christ. **What, the portal? I wasn't aware portals had beliefs. **I want want you to send someone to this world to help save this world. I fear that Dumbledore and his evil army **Dumbledore's Army! **has got here before us. The portal is in the library." **Why does everything take place in the library?**

I decided to leave this for tomorrow for it was a long day. I will be writing a new story called The Prayer Warrior: A Kingdom Under Shadow. **Actually, you wrote Attack of the Sphinx and Titans Strike back. And I'm still waiting for you to do a Twilight fic… at least that will be enjoyable to commentate.**

Remember, the world is going to end on July the twenty six, **News flash- it didn't. Cue dramatic gasp.** so repent and be saved. Amen and amen. Benedicite **the eggs? **quod beati sunt. Ut dimittas dimittimus. Animadvertit opus illud supplicium. Numquam prodest irrideat Domini.


	15. Chapter 15

**Song of the chapter: Gandalf vs. Dumbledore- Epic Rap Battles of History.**

That is all a lie! **What in the world are you talking about? **Benry **Who? **is not Believer In Christ, I am Believer in Christ you fools! **I thought you were Thomas Brown. **Benry is most likely the foul hacker **Didn't you say that Noah hacked your account? **that hacked into my account. He is a untrusting lire **You mean lyre? Like the musical instrument? **and must be coned. **By "coned", do you mean you intend to throw traffic cones at him, put him in an ice-cream cone and eat him, or flatten him and roll him into a cone shape? Actually, it doesn't matter. Don't do it. **He will be the first person to burn in hell! **Judging by your statement, I can safely assume nobody is burning in hell right now. **He is a sinner like not other sinner! **Because he… hacked into your account? **Curse him and his family to be raped and cut to peace's and thrown into the glams of O'Dell! **No way I'm doing that. Nobody deserves that. **To all you others fools, such as Idiosy, for plotting against me, you be punished by being sent to the lowest pits of hell, right next to Satan! **Only the first circle, dear boy, only the first circle. **Amen and mane. **Speaking of manes, did anyone look through Tommy-boy's favourites? One of them is My Little Pony- Friendship is through Jesus.**

I then went to library **Again? I wonder who goes there more often- you or Hermione. **to find if there was anymore information on a key to get into Dumbledore`s office. I found out that they were **NO KEYS, JUST A FREAKIN' PASSWORD! **five keys, given to his most trusted followers. It did not list anyone, but I guessed where on of them was, with the body of Ginny. **Why? Dumbledore doesn't care about Ginny any more than as another student and Harry's best-friend's sister. **Another two keys must be with Harry and Ron. Where the last two keys were I did not know. **Going along with this moronic plotline, I'm going to assume one key is with Hermione, and another is either with Mcgonagall or Dumby himself.**

So I went to the grave of Finny. **Finny? Is that a fish? **I threw her boy out of the coffin for Satanists did not deserve to get a respectable burial. **The fish was a Satanist? **Only a Catholic respect such a burial, and not an Anglican for they are actually Satanist in disguised. **So only Christians who abide by a code of conduct that really barely varies between sects deserve to be put in a box and covered in dirt? **And in her disgusting pocket I found a dark green silver key that looked very evil. **Huh… knowing Dumbledore, I thought it would be purple… he does like purple. **I covered a blessed cloth over it, and prayed that I can be protected from its evil, **Chill, it's just an inanimate object. It won't bite. **and then put it in my pocket. I left her body where it was.

I then went back to the library, but I could not look for anymore information. **Ask your little friends. Gossip spreads fast. **I stayed there anyway, looking for the identity of the key holders, but I was a hundred percept sure that Harry Potter and his **BFF **gay lover Ron had two of the keys, for they were the most satanic person and devilish gits ever to ever exist, curse them, along with Idiosy and Benry you satanic fools, trying to take me on! **Come at me, bro! **A Hogwarts student walked into me, she had dyed black hair, and she was evil looking. She looked like a paedophile. **She looked like she was attracted to young children because her hair was died black? Okay.**

And she said, "Hello, my name is Harmony, **Hello, Harmony. **and I am a hardcode Pianist. **How does that work? Do you do headbangs while playing the piano or something? **I live to worship Satan all the time **dull existence **and say very satanic things, such as Hail Stan! **I believe there are more "Satanic" things to say. I have a few running through my head right now. **I want to be your boyfriend. **Two problems- one, you are not a boy. Two, you don't go up to someone in a library and say "Hi, my name is blank****, let's date!" **I also like to say very satanic Poems in French, which is a really satanic language: **France is a Catholic country, Tommy-boy.**

_J'aimevoirles mamansont des rapports sexuels  
>aveceux-mêmesetavec lesautresthatspas le mari<br>J'aimeavoir des relations sexuellesa__u moinstrois fois  
>Unjour,il esttrèssataniqueetm'envoyeren enfe<em>r

**Translation-**

_**I like to see the mother having sexual relations **_

_**With themselves and with the other that's not the husband **_

_**I love having sexual relations at least three times **_

_**A day, it is very satanic, and sends me to hell**_

**Okay… random**

"What do you thin of it?" she assed e. **I think you're horny.**

I lied, and because if I said that I like it God will send me to hell so he would forgive me for lying because I didn't want to blow my cover, "I like it, keep it up." **Take a class. That didn't even rhyme in French.**

And she said, "She you latter. Next time I wills how you aced that Dumb Door aver me." **Silly poker-playing doors. **And she went away, very satanically. **How do you walk away satanically? **I hated that whore, but knew I had to be friendly with her to get that key from her. **You already have a key. Why do you need hers?**

And I went to Hugrid`s place where he showed me some false Christians that had been very unfaithful who were called Idiot and Benjamin, **Someone named their child Idiot? What cruel parents. **who I declared deserved death, and a painful on at that. And so I got a sword and impaled into Idiot, and got them to burn his body. I then cut up Benjamin`s body while he was alive, **The sword of Gryffindor never felt more tarnished.** and then feed it to Hagrid`s god. **Poor Fang!** I then pissed on their bodies **ew **and laughed, for they deserved this publishment. Amen and mane.

**WARNING: THE WORLD WILL END ON JULY THE TWENTY SIXTH SO REPENT NOW AND BE SAVED! AMEN AND MANE! _I think you'll find it didn't._**

**Monitio:ENDmundiIuliivicesimo sextoSONOWPOENITEOet salvare? Et ZeusAmen!**

**AVERTISSEMENT: la fin du mondeJUILLETLAVINGT-SIXIEMESOrepentir maintenantet vous serez sauvés! AMENETMANE!**

**ADVERTENCIA: El mundo se acabaráDE JULIODELVIGÉSIMOSEXTOtanto, arrepiéntete ahorayser salvo! AMENYMANE!**

**ACHTUNG: Die Welt wird im Juliam beendenund gespeichert werden! AMENund Mähne!**

**ΠΡΟΣΟΧΗ: ο κόσμος θα τελειώσειτον Ιούλιοεικοστή έκτηSOΜΕΤΑΝΟΗΣΟΥΜΕΤΩΡΑΚΑΙΝΑΖΗΣΕΙ! AMENΚΑΙχαίτη!**

**RABHADH: BEIDHANDOMHANARDEIREADHLEIS ANIúilrepentIS FICHE AR ANSÉÚSOANOISAGUSASábháilte! AmenAGUSmane!**

**WAARSCHUWING: De wereld zalnu een eindeIn juliop de zesentwintigsteSObekeren engered worden!AMENen manen!**

**AVÈTISMAN: lemonn p'apfini nanJIYÈvenrepantisizyèm lanSOkoulye a akpou sove! AMENAKchevlur!**

**ВНИМАНИЕ:мир закончитсяИЮЛЯдвадцать шестойТАКпокайтесь сейчаси не спаслись! АМИНЬи гриву!**

**RHYBUDD: HUGAINSOedifarhauNAWRACYNCADW'r! AMENAmwng!**

**ATENCIÓN: sextoAGORASOse arrepinte esergardado! Ameno eMané!**

**UPOZORENJE: svijet ćezavršiti sesadai biti spašeni! AMENIgriva!**

Translated in all the major languages **Erroneous. I don't see Arabic or Mandarin on there. **so that the message could understand my all! **If they don't understand English, they wouldn't be here. I envy them.** Amen and amen. I bless you all as a profit of the one true God, **You're not a prophet. Go to a therapist. **and our lord and savior Jesus Christ of Narrative! Bless you all. Amen. And may all the sinners that sinned against me be punished with eternal flames of Jell! **Flaming Jell-o is yummy.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Again, I recommend a song for the chapter- Stan, by Eminem.**

Thomas Brown: Damn ye hackers, burn ye to hell! **Ye? Did we suddenly get transported to the Middle Ages?**  
>Jesus Christ: Ye agree with ye, <strong>You agree with you?<strong> and I will do as you ask for. Ye have sinned against my holey prophet **Psuedo-Jesus, he is not a prophet. And you are not Jesus. Go to a therapist. You may have schizophrenia. **and the only punishment suiting despicable evil little weaklings is the flames of the sinners favourite place, right at home with their lovely Satan, **Sending them to their favourite place is not really a punishment. But if you want to punish me by sending me to Disney World, go right ahead. **deep in the depth of Hell, where their skins will rot, and living flesh will rip of their disgusting body. Ye have done my bidding by warning ye heathens.  
>Thomas Brown: And what is your warning to those heathens?<br>Jesus Christ: **Always brush your teeth before you go to bed. That is my warning. Now run while you still have your sanity. **Ye shall burn in hell if ye choose to follow the path of evil by hacking into accounts. **^_^**  
>Thomas Brown: The biggest warning, I am not Idiosy, nor am I Benry, they are rapists <strong>And you came to that conclusion, how? <strong>and Satan worshiping demons sent by Satan to deceive us from the rightful path of Christ.  
>Jesus Christ: You speak <strong>way too much and not <strong>wisely my son.  
>Thomas Brown: Disclaimer, I do not own the Bible for God owns that. <strong>Thomas Brown also does not own the Harry Potter series.<strong>

**Brilliant, I missed these conversations.**

Ebony Sleeps With Harry

**Cool title**

Slowly and very sneakily, she went to the main hall, where she noticed Dumbledore snoring in his sleep **I would very much like to know why Dumbledore is passed out on a table in the Great Hall. **saying, "I`m going to kill ye Christian! Kill them all! Stan **Utley, the pro golfer?**." What he was saying made no sense, so Ebony ignored it and continued. She had walked pass this place many times before, but she knew that this might be the last time she made this journey. She pleased about this, she could not stand this Satanic school, **Then why did she come? **it should be burnt to the ground and no other student should have to take this path, but instead take a different path at a holy Christian Catholic School, not one of those Anglican school, founded by the Satan King Henry the Eight and his whore of a wife Katherine, **Which one was that? **much like William and Kate, who are also whores. **Shut up and drive.**

"Hello," there said a voice from behind her. It was Ron. He had grown his ginger hair pretty long, **Does that mean this takes place in Goblet of Fire? **showing hisScottish Viking** Vikings originated from Scandinavia, dimwit.** decedent (and making Ebony fearful of her) **Won-won's a girl?**, and he wore a cotton coat.

"I am sorry of the death of your sister," Ebony lied. **It's common courtesy. You don't have to be sincere. **She hated that whore, going around trying to chat up as many boys as possible and hiring herself like a fucking whore, that bitch. **Someone's in a rage.**

"Thank-you, but my mother is surely going to have another daughter. **More likely a son. Ginny was the first daughter in the Weasley family for a couple of generations. **She told me last night that she was pregnant through **OWL MAIL** telekinetic **I hath telekinesis! **links between us all, a blessing of Satan, how great he is," he said. She hoped she had a miscarriage. **That's rather rude! **Ron`s father was most likely not the father of her baby. **I can't really imagine sweet old Mrs. Weasley sleeping with random men.**

"I want to see Harry," she said. "I have a gift for him." He smiled, misunderstanding this as sex for Harry, **Then shouldn't he be jealous? **but in reality he was about to have judgement in front of a Prayer Warrior, where she was about to send him to the flames of hell. **Ugh, spoiler alert!**

"I take you to him. He was get pleasure from you, but not as much pleasure from me," he said pleasingly. She followed him down the corridor. He opened the door, and said, "Enter."

"**Don't order me around, young man!" she said in a very Christian manner.**

"Please, can we keep this private?" she asked. "I am shy in front of other men."

"I was when I did it first," he said. "But if you wish to do it alone with him, I will let you do so."

Once Ebony had entered, Ron stayed outside. **Does he have anywhere else to go? He can hang out with eHarmony or something. **He read the Satanic bible written by the scum named Anton LaVey, **Is it odd to think that Anton LaVey looks just like Shel Silverstein, only scarier? **and man so evil he is rotting in the deepest chambers of hell, where Hitler, Osama, and liberal president Kennedy.** You did NOT just insult JFK! He was a remarkable man who cared a lot for his country, and did all that he could to help it. Why does it matter that he was a Democrat?** After a few minutes, Ebony opened the door, closed it, and then left. Ron waited there for a while, but felt it was strange that Harry wasn't there. So he opened the door, and looked inside. There he saw the dead body of Harry. He fell to his feet, **Was he flying up until this point? **realising that one of the keys had been taken. Suddenly, a knife was stabbed into his heart.

"I cannot keep you alive, seeming that you witness this rime," **This sounds rather evil. Killing a person just because he witnessed a murder… that doesn't exactly help your rep with God. **Ebony said. "I hope you rot in hell." And everything went black.

Jesus Christ: That was a very good chapter. It is very well written. **I have to agree. Best chapter so far. **  
>Thomas Brown: I am glad you liked it. <strong>Don't be. I'm laughing at you.<strong>  
>Jesus Christ: Thankful. Ignore those sinners; they will one day see their moment of justice. Amen to all! <strong>You took the words straight out of my mouth, shameless-person-pretending-to-be-Jesus. Except my words weren't aimed at our lovely readers.<strong>  
>Thomas Brown: I like to also thank all those dedicated readers for reading this great piece of fan-fiction. I will write some more soon.<strong> Wish I could turn back time and prevent you from doing just that.<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**So… Super Bowl tonight.**

Jesus Christ: So what have you offer us today, my son?  
>Thomas Brown: Some very amazing. <strong>Some very amazing… is that a Greek dish? <strong>Three keys have been found so we are near to the end sadly. **Brilliant. I tire of this plotline. **But fear not, I will write another fan-fiction named Kingdom Under Shadow, and a sequel to The Evil God. **It looks like the sequel will be fun, though. Author Alert me, I'll be commentating that one too.**  
>Jesus Christ: I will be delighted to read that. What else have you to say?<br>Thomas Brown: I wasn't referring to you Brasta Septim but the hackers Idoisy and Benry. If you cannot work that one out, then you are very stupid. None of your comments are valid.  
>Jesus Christ: He will be punished in due time.<p>

**Whatever. On with the chapter.**

The Fourth Key

Michael gouging away at his meal, **Why do that when you can eat it instead? **with his golden locks spread out. **Naturally. A blonde. I have about fifty blonde jokes running through my head right now. **He was eating a massive steak, **WHO SAID STEAK? **but not bacon, not that disgusting filthy shit. **Never been a big fan of pork, either. **He looked up as he saw Ebony place two keys onto his table. She straightened the bun on top of her head, making sure her hair didn't fell out. **Straightening a bun doesn't really do anything, other than loosen it. If you want to make sure it doesn't fall out, make sure to use plenty of bobby pins! You can also use spin pins, but those are a bit annoying.**

_But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that. For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be. -1 Corinthians 11:5-6_

**By covering the head, they mean with a cap or a cloth of some sort, not putting it up. Putting it up is just convenient, because then it doesn't get in your eyes, Tommy-boy.**

Michael took his hat off **Why was he wearing a hat while eating steak? **and stared at Ebony. **A staring contest? I take winner! **"So you were able to get it from them?" he asked. Ebony nodded, with a big grin. Michael could tell that Ebony was pleased with herself. "I assume that is a yes." **Assume the keys in front of you are a yes.**

"Yes, my master," she said. **Minions galore! **"I did the great work for God and it has made me feel better about myself. **It shouldn't have. You just killed two boys. **I even cleaned this school of the menace Harry Potter and that homosexual git **Git? What's with the English slang? I thought Tommy-boy didn't like Brits. **Ron from this school forever. At this current moment Dumbledore and his satanic Army are burying them. At your order, I will be eager to dig them up again, cut their body up, and spread it across the school. **You seem rather bloodthirsty. Have some steak. It's medium rare. **It will give a message to those scum bags." She looked very satisfied at what she done, and Michael was glad of that.

Michael got out of his chair, and stood up, so that he could be higher than Ebony. **Michael, dear, you're going through puberty. You're still shorter than Ebony. **Women should be submissive in front of men, **misogynist bastard **for we were created first. Women were created for our rib **Actually, it depends on the version of Genesis. Some versions suggest that Adam was created as both male and female, and God decreed that it was not good to live alone, and split him into the respective Adam and Eve. Another version is that she was created individually from dirt in Adam's likeness. The list goes on. **so they should owe us their lives for us being responsible to their creation. **Hmm, I don't remember Adam in any version ripping out one of his ribs and making a woman out of it.**

_And Adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a mate for him. and the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. –Genesis_

"So what do you wish to be rewarded with? You have proven yourself equal with us as a prayer warrior, and very skilled at honouring our lord. So say whatever you want and I will grant it," said Michael.

"Please grant marriage between Draco and I. **Is he your father? You don't ask a friend for the right to marry, in any faith. **We love each other very much and want to grow seeds in our garden. This is the right time to grow trees that grow very tall," **Is this a metaphor for children, or does Ebony really think that all you do in a marriage is garden? **Ebony asked her, **Hehe… Michael's a tranny. **hoping that he would say yes. Michael thought to himself a minute or so, before nodding his head. "Thank-you," said Ebony, "You are truly magnificent. I will marry him now." **Now? You aren't going to prepare? Get a dress? Cake? Rings? Church? Anything?**

"You are welcome," said Michael. "But before you go, I need to tell you something very important. I fear I know where the fourth key is. Hermione Jean Granger **What happened to eHarmony? **was a very good acquaintance with Harry Potter and was at his funeral. **EVERYONE was at his funeral, Mikey. He was "The Boy Who Lived", after all. **I saw her sitting next to Dumbledore. It is whispered that he has sex with her, ***rubs temples* Tommy-boy, Dumbledore is gay. **which is nauseating, that fucking paedophile. **Language! **He is really old, and she is only seventeen."

"So what do you ask of me now?" Ebony asked outlandishly.

"After you marry Draco, and do it," **Why so delicate? **Michael explained to her, "go to Hermione and get that key off of her, and bring it back to me. I don't care if it means sending her to the same grave as Harry Potter, but I want that key now, do you understand me." **You could at least be polite and request, instead of demand. You did just tell her to rob and kill a girl.**

"Yes, my master," she said. She then walked off. She met Draco at Hagrid`s Hut, **So does he live in a hut or doesn't he? Make up your mind, please. **which had an underground extension to hold church services. **And it just appeared like that? Poof? **They asked Hagrid, who agreed, to marry them. **Does he even have the bare-minimum license?**

"So you take this women to be your lawful and god-fearing wife," Hagrid asked Draco.

"Yes, I will," Draco replied.

"Then I pronounce you Husband and women," **'Women'? Is Draco marrying more girls than Ebony? That naughty boy… **said Hagrid. "You can now kiss your bribe."

**Best. Wedding. Ceremony. Ever.**

And after they kissed, they went back to their room. Draco and Ebony removed skin from an onion. After that, they put Draco`s noodles into Ebony`s bowl, and Draco then planted some seeds into Ebony`s pot, and then they laid on their bed for the rest the night. They were very tired from all that hard work.

**I've never heard sex described that way. It's… frankly a bit disturbing. I'll never be able to look at noodle soup the same way again.**

_My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. –Songs 5:4-5_

_Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking. And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do. –Ruth 3:3-4_

_Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies. –Songs 4:5_

**Oh, Song of Songs. That's a long time personal favourite of mine… it's rather (extremely) graphic, which sets it apart quite a bit. **

The next day, Ebony went to Hermione Jean Granger room. She opened it, and saw Hermione Jean Granger putting make up on, something God forbids. **I don't remember it saying anywhere in the commandments "Thou shalt not apply lip gloss". **This made Ebony spew inside her mouth, **thatès rather extreme… **but to hide her disgust, she swallowed her vomit. It didn't taste all that nice, **No duh. It's forceful expulsion of the contents of one's stomach through the mouth; did you really think it would taste nice?** but she kept talking as if nothing had happened at all.

"Give me that key," Ebony demanded, "or be punished on behalf of the glory of God. Prepare to face justice!"

"Please claim down, you can have the key," she said. Hermione Jean Granger **Why is her full name relevant? **handed the key to Ebony Brown. **Brown? Didn't she just marry Draco? **"I want to become a Christian. Please show me the rightful path." **O…kay, that came out of nowhere.**

"Then go to Hagrid`s hut," Ebony said.

"I will go there now," said Hermione Jean Granger. And she left the room with Ebony, and they went to the Hagrid`s hut where they met Michael.

"This person wants to become a Christian," said Ebony. "Where should I take her? Should I baptise her for I know what to do. I am a prayer warrior, and should be well equipped to do things such as this." She hoped to do it, but she was wrong. Women are not allowed to baptise people. Baptising people is only reserve for men.

**Don't get too excited. Baptising isn't that fun.**

"I will do it women. Do not try and disturb a sacred ritual. I do not want you to ruin it," yelled Michael angrily. **Woah, looks like someone's PMS-ing. **He dragger Hermione Jean Granger to the lake and baptised her. "No go. I don't think you deserve it. I think you are lying. But because Ebony trusts you, I will give you another chance. Now go satanic bitch." **That's… rather mean. Does that mean he's going to die? Does it? Does it?**

Thomas Brown: I put a lot into that chapter.  
>Jesus Christ: I can tell so, well done.<br>Thomas Brown: I will end at the twentieth chapter so I can write a sequel to The Evil Gods. Amen to all!

**I take back what I said. This was the best chapter yet.**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Dear beloved readers, _Oh, we're "beloved" now? I'm afraid the feeling is not reciprocated.**

_Lately, I have not been interested in writing anything of this great fanfiction. _**Then why didn't you give up and give me an early Valentine's Day present? **_There have been people that have tried to plot against me, _**Plot against you? Did you suddenly become ultimate ruler of everything while I wasn't looking? **_one of them is Idiosy, who is not me! And Benry the Confessor is not me. They are all livers! _**Aren't we all livers? Except for those of us who are dead, of course. **_Benry was the first person to hack me account, and Idiosy is the second person to hack my other account. This is my third and final account. I have made me account unpossible to hack. _**Hacks, like love, will always find a way. **_Buy anyway, I am back and I am her to spread the gospel the lord our lord Jesus Christ! Amen amaze! _**You never fail to amaze me with your stubbornness. **_I am planning to finish the great fanfiction and start a new one, which will be a sequel to my other Fanfiction The Evil God. I hope this time that I will get lots of good reviews _**In two words,unlikely. Danny Kaye? Anyone? **_from good Christian men! God bless you! God bless Americana! Convert all that are poor _**Just because they are poor doesn't mean they aren't Christian, you silly capitalist **_so that they can understand the wonders of our lord and god Jesus Christ! And burn all bores concerning twitch craft, including the evol book Harry Potter! That fail thing!_** It's not fail. It's win.**

_And so a recap of everything that has happened so far: Ebony has gotten permission to marry Draco, and she has baptized Hegemony so that she does not live a sinful death due to practising witchcraft, but she has concerted now so she will be safe. And now Micheal and Ebony, with the help of Draco and his army, will face the evil Satanist Dumbledoor, and finally rid the world of the evil Harry Potter and Hogarts!_

**So… can you believe New England lost? How could they have lost? It makes no sense!**

**Halftime show was great, though. Put the Black Eyed Peas to shame.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

"I feel so alice" **in Wonderland? Or should I say LaLa Land? **said Ebony. She was wearing a pink pretty dress and a tied up hair in a Cary **Who's Cary? Please don't tell me it's another OC… I can't stomach any more of those **Christian manner. "I cannot wait to take on that evil twitch! **Spasm? **I really hate Dumbledore."

**Mad Hatter X Alice forever.**

"So do I" said Draco. Because he had became a precast, **He was precast? Does that mean he's part of the architecture now? Another ugly gargoyle to adorn the roof? **he started to wear a precast suit. "He lets that stupid Harry Potter get way with a lot of stuff, including have sex with other men. How disgusting is that! **Homophobe. **I want to throw him off a building that old trash."

"Yes, I agree with you. Only a man and a women should have sex, and no one else. Those homosexual must pay for their ungodly sins. **I am this close to pelting you with the contents of my mother's fruit salad to see how you like it. **I too want to throw Dumbdore off a bridge **Why bother? Snapey is going to do him in anyway. **just so that I can see him die very painfully!"

And so they read the bible reading about how David, although small, took on the very big Goliath ant won and this was due to being a gift from God and worshiping him nonstop. **You're reading that part again? How about another story? Joseph? Moses? Abraham? Or… does anyone remember the name of that really cool female prophet from Judges? I want to say Dalia, but I don't think that's it… ah, Deborah! Thanks, Ailinu.** How great would it have felt to be David on that great day, serving our lord Jesus Christ for a gospel cause. **Jesus wasn't even born yet, dillhole. In fact, the Romans hadn't even taken over Canaan yet. **

_When a righteous man doth turn from his righteousness, and commit iniquity, and I lay a stumbling-block before him, he shall die: because thou hast not given him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he hath done shall not be remembered.-Ezekiel 3:20_

"It is time to face the emergency" said Michele, who was standing taller than usual, for god had given him special powers to make him look far more important than any other man in the room, and make women knee to their feet! **That awkward moment when your knees are jealous of your feet. **"And I like to say a very little prayer so that it van **Vans are cool… not my favourite brand of shoe, but still pretty okay. **protect us on our lovely night as we kill that bastard:

"_Dear God, please protect us on our night of need. We need every little help that we can get. We have served you through the thin and thick and we believe now that it is time for you to help us in our quest to rid this world of Hogwarts, Dumbledore, Hairy Potter, Twitchcraft, and atheists! We will sacralise at your alter afterwards. Please bless us, like you did by giving us your son and our lord, God`s only forgotten son, Jesus Christ of Narrative. Amen and man."_

And so they went out to gave the nonbelievers. They were truly prepared with their keys to unhook Dumb Delores office and defeat him once and for all.

**Oh, you're killing Dolores? I guess that's okay… unless it's the Joe Walker version.**

**Joe Walker is marvellous.**

**Say otherwise and he'll pop your head off with his bicep.**

_Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ.-Ephesians 6:5_

And we went to the office of Dumbledore, and we unlocked it and went in. the image we were about to see would sacred anyone for life. It was Dumbledore doing it with Harry Potter. **Didn't Harry already die two chapters ago? **Finally the rumours we true.

"Okay, so I have sex with little boys, so what?" he said. **So he just paused in the middle of intercourse and said "so what"?**

**…**

**Hardcore.**

I was really mad at him that I ran at him and I graphed him, **You graphed him? What did you graph? His age, amount of money he had, reputation? Can you even graph reputation? **and I knocked him off the roof, we me still hold him.** Wasn't he naked?** I knew my life was complete when I feel to the ground. I saw white light, and then I saw Jesus **Luz**. I was dead, and I had sacrificed my life for Jesus. Dumbledore was in hell burning!

**O…kay.**

**I'm going to sleep now.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Again, song of the chapter- Can't Be Tamed, by Miley Cyrus.**

Jesus: I am glad that you decided to right more chapters. **If he righted all the wrongs in his chapters, I would be happy too. **You do e well.  
>Thomas: I am grateful. Thank you.<br>Jesus: Yes, I accept your thank you. **Great dialogue. Truly the most dialogue-y dialogue in the dialogue-y sense I have encountered in my dialogueful years of dialogueing dialoguely.**  
>Thomas: And I also like to say sorry to my brother Noah, <strong>Damn straight. Acknowledge Noah's superior dialogueiness, Tommy-boy. <strong>who I have said some very bad things to. I am glad that you have finally seen the light against.** Which light? The one you think shines out your ass?**  
>Jesus: He is forgiven.<p>

**Chapter Nineteen**

Note: The reason why that person had knock Dumbledore off the building was because he was a 6 feet and seven itches tall. He was a random character that turned out that he was there at the time to knock that witch off that building.

**So another random boy that happened to also be named Michael conveniently appeared out of nowhere and pitched our Dumbledear out the window?**

Behold, we stood around the body od Dumbledore, **You got down the stairs that fast? I'm impressed! **who`s blood was spilling everywhere.** Well, no shit. You threw him out of a TOWER WINDOW. **Thomas **Thomas? Breaking into your own story? How Ebony of you. **started to kick his head, **DUMBLEBALL! **and he said "The thing is dead. **The "thing" saved you from Hitler. **Now lets burn his body, **Can we roast marshmallows and hotdogs over the fire? I'm sure Dumbledore would at least want us to have a good time at his funeral. **so that there is not chance for him to rises up again on the last judgement"

"Yes, I agree with you Michele" said Ebony. "I will help you with burning his body"** Practically everyone I know would prefer to be cremated, but I'd rather be buried myself.**

"No sad Michele **Why is Michele sad? Michele's my bell. These are words that go together well- my Michele. **I will burn the body alone for there is lots of evil here that could kill a women. **See below. **Only a man is strong enough to get rid of this evil I will burn the body with the help of drake" **DRAKE! **So Enoby when back to the cattle. **Misogynist bastard, Exhibit W. **

**I saw a post on Facebook once, that went something like this-**

**Proof that girls are stronger than boys- **

**In football, the players throw around a one pound ball, while the cheerleaders throw a 100 pound girl in the air AND catch her. **

**The average girl is capable of carrying more than half her weight in shopping bags,**

**Bleeding for a week each month and surviving,**

**As well as pushing a twelve inch baby out a four inch hole.**

And so Michele **Three times? I'd like to officially congratulate Michael (or more accurately, Michele) for her sex change. **made Harry Potter do a spell to burn dumb doors **Open sesame! **body because there was no way to make a fire **Matches. A lighter. Use the fire from the torches. Kill Fawkes and make him regenerate. I could just go on and on, or I could finish this piece of bull-feces. **ad harry potter was the only person there that could do magic without there being punishment seeming that Harry Potter was going to burn in hell anyway. **Why kill him? He's going to save a world full of blockheads like you. **And so we watch the body burn with Harry Plotter. **Plotter… did he plot to kill you, collaborating with Benry and Idiocy?** I laughed. Harry was a week ling, crying over an evil man. **Who happened to be his greatest mentor or role model. Wouldn't you be upset if I killed Chris Brown, Tommy-boy? **It wont be long before he died too. **Yes, he will die in about… 3 chapters ago. **And he will lie on the ground to rot. **Or be nomnomed by one of Hagrid's pets.**

_For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind.-James 3:7_

_[This quote means that everything can be tamed,_**Um, no, it means that everything has been tamed already. Note the use of past tense- tam**_**ed**_**.**_ even those filthy nonbelievers and Muslims _**They are tame. When was the last time an atheist or Muslim tore you apart or peed on your carpet? **_(Mudhubbid _**WTF? **_was never a follower of God and our lord Jesus Christ, but a worshiper of a false god Allah. _**Allah is Arabic for God, you moronic dunderhead. **_He is burning in hell at the moment and he is nothing like me. _**True. He was a nice guy and an actual prophet. **_I am holy)._** I've been hearing the phrase "holier-than-thou-stick-up-my-ass" a lot. Is it a new fad?**_ Draco and Hegemony _**Domination? **_have been tamed, and if Harry Potter had converted, he would be tamed. Now he must face the punishments of the eternal flames of jell]._** I actually don't like jell-o that much. **

**…**

**Surprise?**

_He that doubteth is damned... For whatever is not of faith is sin.-Romans 14:23_

**I have some problems with that… in my opinion, God would prefer to be obeyed than worshipped.**

_[Because Harry Potter doubted the lord Jesus Christ and God`s true power, Harry will be punished because he didn't not believer, therefore a sin. He will burn in hell along with Dumb door]._

**We don't need an explanation. Unlike you, we're perfectly capable of thinking.**

_The LORD thy God hardened his spirit, and made his heart obstinate, that he might deliver him into thy hand.-Deuteronomy 2:30_

"I am undefeatable" said Harry Potter. **Kinda true… his mother's love does protect him from Voldy… mislead psychopaths, not so much. **"I will not go easy" He did a satanic spell and then disappeared.** Gasp. Apparition. Something he doesn't even know how to do yet.**

"We will se abort that" said Ebony as she kicked about the ashes of doorstep.** Get a vacuum. It's faster and neater.**

Jess: **Jess? What's Jessica Simpson doing here? **hat was a very good chapter. I cannot wait to see what happens next.  
>Thomas: then stay in tune for the exit chapter where we defeat Hogwarts once and for all. Amen. <strong>How 'bout a spoiler alert next time? You ruined my excitement.<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

_I stood there thinking to myself: was it worth it? Had I underestimated the situation? Was I doomed to fail all along? Could I possibly succeed when all odds were against me? Or is doubt my biggest enemy? Was I even prepared for my last stand?_

_Pondering on my mind was the thought that I was wrong all along. Who was I? Why was I sent here? And was my foe, Harry Potter, as evil as my God had told me? Did Jesus Christ really die for me? Or did he die in a vain attempt of trying to perform the impossible: save the world from death? The thought of death scared me. Such a simple idea, but it is impossible to understand. God not only gave his only son, but a part of himself. He let humankind reject his eternal love, and at the same time, save them all from eternal flames. This is truly a loving God. And this is proof that God is real. Satan had nearly got to me again. He filled my thoughts in doubt, just to make me not fulfil my goal. And now it was time to achieve it. To prove to world that our lord Jesus Christ is real, and that his gift of eternal life is also real. And the best thing is it is free. The only cost is to believe in our lord Jesus Christ. How hard can that be? What do you have to lose? The flames of hell are the answer. What is the reward in believing in our lord Jesus Christ? Isn't it obvious? –NM_

**That was… surprisingly beautiful and insightful. Whoever this NM is, I'm sending them a fruit basket.**

"You cannot win," I yelled at Harry Potter across the world.** He could hear you? That's an impressive set of lungs, Mikey.**

"Hahahahahaha," said Harry Potter. **You can just call him Harry. Or Potter. Or sexy manly stud. We'll know who he is. **"Prove it. Prove that you false God is real."

**Technically you can't believe in Satan without acknowledging God is real…**

"Okay, how do propose I do so," I asked the coward that ran away (and not the boy that live. That was a lie created by Satan to get people to follow Harry Potter** Okay, so Satan created Voldemort, and then waited about fifty or so years to make Voldy try to kill Harry with a rebounding curse? Hmm… seems legit**).

"Send down lighting right here. Get you false god to strike me in the heart. I bet you cannot-"

Then and there, a bolt of lightning hit into the heart of the arrogant wizard. **That sounds… hilarious. **Harry Potter`s glasses hell off while blood went down his bloody body. **How is his bloody body already bloody covered in blood when the bloody blood has only just bloody started bloody making its bloody course down his bloody body? **His eyes stared at me, **From across the world? **eternally knowing the mistake he had made. His last moments on this earth was with the knowledge that he was wrong, and the fear in his face told me that he knew of the punishment that was about to come next.

I managed to get out of the castle, and from a distance I watched as the building hell deep into the ground.** Did you fiddle on a rooftop while it burned, like Emperor Nero? **Ebony, Draco, and Hermione, along with all the other Christian I had saved from that evil place, watched as the final threat in England fell to the ground. Draco and Hermione decided to marry each other for each other loved each other very much. **Isn't Draco already married to Ebony? Bigamy! **I and Ebony decided to go back to America **heartbroken, I'm sure **as Percy Jackson had given me a very important message.

As we went onto the plane, a group of guards stopped us. One of the men with lots of false teeth (much like god`s that they worshiped) **Why would a god need false teeth?** looked up at us, and smiled.

"The roman gods are going to have a lot of fun with you," he said in a very Russian accent. **In soviet Russia, Thomas Brown hearts you.**

**To be continued in: THE PRAYER WARRIORS: THE THREAT OF COMMUNISM**

_Thank-you NM for helping me proofread this. I also like to thank Father Karl for inspiring me to write this and thank-you Ebony for your support. Amen and amen. Cannot wait to write my next Fanfiction, which will be better than this one, I guarantee you that. _**Shouldn't be too hard. **_It's going to be best fanfiction ever, with millions of people reading it, being inspiring be its holy content, and concert to Christianity. _**Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Tommy-boy. **_Amen._

**Who carries the fifth key? What is Dumbledore's connection to the British government? What attack was planned on the Christian nation?**

**I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. I'm just glad it's over with.**

**Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, and subscribed. Your support has helped a lot.**


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